It all starts when we fall in love too deeply with a person, a place, a routine, a job or anything. We develop a great obsession with this thing or person. We transform into an excellent keeper who makes sure that anything in life won’t slip. We create a plan as if life has no obstacles.

But sometimes, life just doesn’t always go as planned. The life we have planned just vanished and all we must do is to start over. And, we won’t realize how much we love it until we actually lost it.

Moving places, break-ups, losing our beloved, losing our jobs, each and everyone experiences different thing. Something important to our life.

Facing a loss is never easy for anyone, trust me you’re not alone. I’ve been there, everyone has. It is the time when our mind is challenged to be more mature and accepting that life is not just a straight fine line.

Here’s a bit of story about losing, confronting a change I didn’t expect to happen, and letting go but accepting what’s already gone. Something I wish I knew before.

It’s okay to worry

I thought it was the worst time of my life. Everything seemed like it was leading to a wrong direction and no solutions make sense. My worries started to influence my goals, dreams and judgement towards life. A situation where I didn’t believe in dreams again.

But hey, it’s normal to worry about facing a change, to grieve over the loss of something, to be sad over something you miss or to get angry about a situation. Think of it as a cycle, it is the first step of acknowledging that our life will change. We admit that we will need to adapt.

Let yourself worrying, let yourself be human.

Enjoy the daydreaming

I started to imagine extensively how our life supposes to be. I fell into a deep daydreaming; imagining extensive fantasies of an alternative life I wish having.

Have you ever experienced an instant throwback while listening to music, moving or doing certain actions? We started to reminisce the old memories that are strongly associated with the action. Triggered by the music we used to listen while walking to a certain direction, the moment we used to share with someone we loved or the food we used to enjoy a special celebration, we fell into an intensive imagination of the past.

Innsbruck mountain cafe

Rather than coping with the issue, I let myself to experience the ‘high’ that eliminates the uncomfortable feeling. It might seem that I let this feeling ruins my emotion. In fact, I was trying to experience the memories and feel the emotion again – to live it twice.

Heal takes time

I was asking myself, ‘When it is gonna end?’ ‘Will I become normal again?’.

There is no exact length of how long you will feel this way. Some people are good at handling loss and overcome it within days or months but others might take months. Take your time. There are no deadlines in becoming a better self.

Along the journey, my mind was separated into two, the world I am living on right now and the fantasy of how I imagined my life supposed to be. Those two thoughts bring me to an autopilot life-mode, where sometimes a day, week or month just pass by. It is a phase where our minds are getting used to the real-life situation and accepting the lost we are going through.

It took me a great amount of time to finally accept the new life and became more present. The process wasn’t easy and quick. It was a long and lots of hard work involved.

When things are (sometimes) going a bit wild, I knew I need some help. I started to browse online, read some great books and talk to people. Talk to people have experienced a similar thing, learn from them. Surrounds yourself with loving people. Those who care you the most. They are the ones who understand you.

Always keep your hopes for the future

Sun at the Nord park ski area

Whatever you are losing, keep your hopes high! Believe that there is going to be a time where things will go as plan. Remember that anything happens for a reason, a good one I believe. Plan something good, something much better.

It’s okay to look back, it’s okay to get emotional. But it’s not okay to let it ruins your future. Let yourself experience the loss but set an end time. Make new targets and goals, then work toward it.


Alifa is a marketer who ended up in tech. A newbie expat in Singapore. She tries to turn her complaints, struggles and memorable moments being a 20-something millennials into a life 'win & learn'; hoping that maybe others would benefit from it. When she’s not writing, she enjoys beaches, workout and pizza.

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